In general, I am a very positive person who sees the cup half full and can always pinpoint the postive side to any situation. However, that doesn't mean I don't have my meltdowns, doubts, insecurities, and fears. What helps me in my moments of negative thinkings and feelings, is the fact that I strongly believe that God is soverign, is in control of every aspect of my life, wants to see my happy, and knows exactly what I need in my life.
A few weeks ago I bought a book called "Wife of a Soldier, a Journey of Faith". This extraordinary woman has been an army wife for 22 years and also had 5 years experience as an active army aviator...for sure she has something to share that I could learn from. I usually read before going to bed and started reading the book as soon as I bought it, but then due to a few trips I lost the habit of reading before bed.
Facing my first PCS (Permanent Change of Station) soon, even though I don't know when or where, is exciting. But, that excitement sometimes comes along with fear of the unknown. To add to that fear, knowing that a deployment is in the near future doesn't help. I can either choose to let those fears and anxieties take over and control me, or I can look on the brightside of it all. While I was taking a bath one day, for some reason, I decided to read my book, instead of one of my fitness or running magazines. I believe that was one little nudge from God because everything I will be facing in my near future was what was being discussed in the book. There were a few decisions I made premised on the fact that God is in control of all things, and reading the book only confirmed what I was thinking about for the last couple weeks. Here is an excerpt from the book:
"...Home is where we live together and decide to plant ourselves and invest our lives. Home is where I have purpose in my heart to live as if it were permanent, instead of living as if it were temporary, just waiting for the next move.
Yet living in the past can be just as counterproductive. I realized that I have a chouce to make each time we move. Am I willing to put my whole heart into our new home, nowing God has chosen it for our family, or will I continue to live in the past? Will I long for the life we had at our precious duty station or will I allow God to fill me with excitement for what he has planned for us as we move and put down roots again? When God wants to bless me I have found that i is often my attitude that keeps me from experienced the full measure of what the Lord has for me."
Another excerpt form the book:
"As always, it involves a choise we have to make. Are we going to keep ourselves at each new assignment so it does not hurt as much when we PCS again? Or are we going to allow God to use us and teach us at each new duty assignment? Are we willing ot move with our husbands even if it is only for a year? Are we willing to move to the next assignment knowing a deployment is already planned and required?"
Whether your husband joined the military before or after your wedding, a decision was made...a decision that you would be a military spouse. If your spouse joined before getting married, the decision was made the day you exchanged wedding vows. If your spouse joined after the I do's, as a unit (wife & husband) you jointly made the decision to enter into a military life. With that decision comes an acceptance of frequent moves (possibly internationaly), deployments, CQ (overnight security detail), trainings, and possible unaccomplied tours. These are most of the downsides to military life and are guarenteed unknows.
Yes, military life is not easy, especially if you have kids. But, it is possible to live a military life full of love, joy, and happiness. If women before us did it so gracefully, we should be able to do it as well. Why live a life full of complaining and frustration, when you can embrace it and live a life full of adventure.
As I mentioned, I have a PCS coming up and a deployment in the near future. At first, I was faced with my fears and started thinking I would wait for my husband to come home from deployment to move. I didn't want to move to a place where I didn't know anyone, be far away from family, and soon after would have to see my husband off to a deployment. But, after some prayer and thought, my mind began to change. Believing in a soverign God, how the Army works, and human nature, I decided I would move along with my husband as soon as He received his orders. I believe God confirmed my decision though the book.
I have been living in a new apartment since January and have never hung up my pictures. I knew that I would be moving soon, therefore, I never "finished" setting up our place. My husband as been away at different Army schools, so it just didn't "feel" right to create a home if he wasn't here. I've been waiting to find out where we are going so that we could move in and I could finally set up our home the way I would like. Reading this book made me see that I have been missing out. I have been missing out on feeling "at home." No one made me feel that way ... I made myself feel that way by my mentality.
There is a lot of military life that I know and am a very positive person naturally, but this book, rather, Diana Juergens, the author of the book, taught me so much. The reason I am writing this entry is because I know that there are military spouses that hate where they live, they would go back to where they lived in a heart beat. They hate that their husband is deployed or is away at training, or occassionally has to work 24 hours shifts. I know it isn't easy, but life would be so much better if you changed your outlook on it all and focused on the positive things. You will live miserably if you are stuck in the past and keep on wishing you could go back to that life. The fact is, if you don't leave your spouse and move out, that life is gone. So, you can either live a miserable life (which your kids will feel as well) or you can decide to embrace your new life and make the most of it?
God doesn't want you to be miserable and hate your life. I am a strong believer that God wants us to be more than happy. But as the author said as I referenced above, sometimes it's our attitude that blocks us from experiences God blessings.
Lastly, I leave you with this last excerpt from the book:
"When our heart is to trust God and believe that He has decided the location, duration, and the circumstances of each assignment, it is impossible to move with a bad attitude and to be unthankful when we finally get there."
No one can take away your happiness...only you. God has control over your life and you have control over your emotions. Embrace where God has lead you at this moment and figure out why God wants you there, whether it's to bless or be blessed.
I wish you all the joy and success in the world,
Andi
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