I am in the middle of a move associated with a Permanent Change of Station (PCS). I have was born and raised in NJ, have been up and down the eastern coast, and been in NC for the last 6 months, but moving to Ft. Lewis, Washington is definitely a scary move for me. Not only will I be farther away from all my family and friends, the weather there doesn't call for a lot of sunshine. Anyone who knows me knows that I love heat, sunshine, and the beach. I will have the beach there, but heat and sunshine will not be available as often as I would like. The one good thing is that I won't have to deal with bitter cold weather like we go through in NJ. I also can't forget that having great running conditions all year long is totally awesome and I can't wait for that.
I wrote a blog called "Surviving as a Military Wife" where I essentially talked about how as a military wife you need to learn to accept and embrace change because if you don't, you really will never be happy. You will always be stuck living in the past instead of enjoying the present. When I write or speak of something, it's usually because it's something I struggled with and learned. I may seem like a positive person and for the most part I am, but I do struggle and have internal battles. I, like everyone else that needs to deal with change, also have my reservations, fears, and frustrations. I just choose to not dwell on the negative. Note, I said dwell. I think of the negative, I may complain about the negative, but I don't dwell on it. I quickly move on to thinking about the positive side of the situation and what I need to get me over the hurdle.
Going through such a long distance move with a full time job, 2 young children, and a husband that has a report date very soon is frustrating. I won't lie about that. I had my bad days filled with stress and internal frustration about the whole thing. I even considered not moving until my husband is back from deployment. But, I learned from an experienced Army wife that I will only be holding myself back. I took a step back, thought about the whole situation, and made a decision...to let God's will be done.
I am a control freak. I don't deny it and don't even try to hide it. I have a plan for everything. It's in my nature. I'm actually blessed enough to have a job where I get to plan and execute projects. Totally suits me. BUT, that trait can sometimes lead to disaster. It's a trait God gave me and comes in use a lot, but at times I need to learn to reel myself in and let God do HIS thing.
So...the question I always get is. How are you doing? How do you deal with that type of life? I could never do it. My answer is, under normal circumstances I could never do it. I am a planner. I think of everything and every possible option before making a decision. Going through change isn't an issue with me. I love change...I embrace it. What bothers me is the not knowing all the details. You have to wait, wait, wait. But somehow, I have adapted and have learned. In reality, there is one thing, and one thing alone that helps me deal with my personal frustrations, stresses, and fears - knowing that God is in control, that He is Soverign and knows what is best for me and my family. It's that faith that gets me through. I am blessed enough to truly believe it with my heart and not just say it with my mouth.
This morning in church, the pastor spoke about how we need to awaken to the reality that the presence of God is always with us. Whether you realize it or not, whether you believe you deserve it or not, it doesn't change the fact that God is with us ALL the time. The only thing that changes is whether you are aware of it. As the pastor spoke about having passion for God, he took us to the book of Exodus where he used a story from the life of Moses to illustrate such passion for God's presence. The Holy Spirit spoke to me through this passage and as I read it I would substitute Moses' name with mine. I am including the whole passage below and hope that it speaks to someone's heart and much as it did mine.
Exodus 33:12-21
Andrea
12 Moses said to the LORD, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”
14 The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Andrea
15 Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16 How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”
Andrea
17 And the LORD said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”
Andrea
18 Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.”
19 And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”
21 Then the LORD said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”
In verse 14, God not only tells Moses that His presence will go with him, He also tells him that He will give him rest. Leading all those people is not really a mission where you will be able to rest, but God isn't speaking of physical rest. He's talking about a heart and soul at rest. When you let God do His thing and you have faith and trust in Him, no matter how busy or chaotic things may be, your heart will always be at rest...in peace.
I thank God for using a preacher to speak to me, yet once again. Not to tell me something new, but to confirm what was already in my heart and spirit. I did recognize that this move was His will and I did and do feel peace, but through that passage he confirmed that I am on the right path. Having a relationship with God is not hard...actually it's one of the easiest relationships you will ever have. I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking about a relationship with God. I'm not talking about a relationship filled with "don't do's", I'm talking about one where there is an abundance of love, respect, and freedom. I am free to do whatever I want because God gave me that freedom, but I love Him so much I will always do my best not to hurt Him.
If you are in a situation where you are frustrated, confused, and stressed, take a step back and think about the whole picture. God gave you the capacity to think through situations and make a decision on what's best for you. Let God do His thing and I guarantee that you will get through anything...in rest.
I sure did write a lot, but if you read this far, I pray for you at this moment, because God knows who YOU are. I pray that God grant you more wisdom and peace than He has given me these past couple of weeks. I pray He may guide your steps and that you may be awakened to the fact that He is with you always, until the end of the age. May every step you take prosper and may you always encourage others to faith in Jesus Christ, our Savior. In the name of the Almighty and Sovereign, Jesus. Amen.
With lots of love,
Andi
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